Chapter 1 - Dates

So, Chapter 1 - Dates
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 Welcome to my BLOG.

 You’ve found me, so let me tell you what I intend to do, say and talk about, without giving all my secrets away all at once. First I am going to assume you are there, so I am going to talk to you under that assumption. This is going to be a combination of diary, travel log, a look back at my life so far, and a place to establish plans for the future. During this journey I hope to create something that is thought provoking, happy and sad, and hopefully entertaining, to some degree! Be warned I intend to say things as they are, (from my point of view). I have no intention in offending anyone, but, there will be adult content, if appropriate to the story. I do not intend to hold back on moral, ethical or cultural issues if they are part of my past, present or future and have, or will shape who I am. If I haven’t scared you off, then again Welcome, I hope you enjoy reading my “tale”.

We all tend to collect dates like trophies, don’t we? Birthdays, anniversaries, dates that are important to the individual to whom they hold significance. Dates that signify momentous changes in our lives, our births, or dates that change our lives such as commitments to significant others, engagements, weddings. We also collect dates as a collective, pagan festivals, Christmas, Easter, and Mayday, celebrations of wars like Anzac day or Remembrance Day. Times when families (biological or created through our own selection) gather to share each other’s company on the same regular cycle of calendar dates. Dates have become more important to me in recent weeks, more and more I find myself remembering events gone by, the when’s, the where’s, the who’s. And as I turn 50 in 2 days’ time it seems apt that my life has taken a monumental turn which revolves around a new significant date for my calendar. But before we get there let me give a couple of examples of dates which stick in my brain to maybe provoke similar memories from you past, maybe we’ll start with something happy. 

September 2013, I’m sitting outside at a Greek tavern, mad crowds of tourists wander past, looking at their maps to try and find their place in the world. The open square encircled with restaurants has seating throughout the central paved area, taxis drive around the narrow street between the kitchens that enclose the square and the seating area outside. I discovered this area earlier in my travels in Athens and have slowly sampled each restaurant to compare their kitchens. I had settled on a favorite, the seating closest to the road gives me a clear view of the passing traffic of travelers, I can watch the taxi drivers who have been hired for the day as they sit drinking beer at the adjoining tables waiting for their clients to return from marveling at the local sites. I have been in Athens for a few weeks now and have navigated its narrow street to the extent that I no longer needed to consult a map to find my way around. I will admit this gave me immense joy as it gave me the power to laugh at the lost throng of people around me as they tried to find the Acropolis which towered above their head beyond the maze of meandering cobbled streets. I sit comfortably in the misted shade with a Mithos beer in my hand waiting for my lunch. I had quickly gotten into the habit of adopting a Mediterranean diet which meant that my main meal was taken in the middle of the day and not in the evening when the body doesn’t need the calories. So come midday as the temperature rose, I would settle down as I did this day for a large meal before further exploring of the city in the afternoon. So what does my lunch have to do with my discussion about dates? I had ordered octopus for lunch and had expected to receive baby octopus as this was the only way I had eaten octopus in Australia but what arrived at the table was a complete leg of the octopus hanging over the edge of the plate, which must represent good value for the restaurant owner as he gets to serve 8 people with the 1 octopus, you can only get 2 legs off a lamb. It was delicious and I have never experienced anything like it again so this day sits in my memory due to a single meal on a sunny afternoon in Athens watching the world go by.

How about the 28^th November 1992, here is another day of significance to me. After working for a shoe company for only 2 months, around rolls the Christmas party. I had only moved to Sydney from Brisbane a few months earlier and had yet to develop any great circle of friends during that time. I arrived at the party which was being held in the function room of a yachting club on the North Shore of Sydney, not knowing anyone other than those I worked with in my particular store. Everyone was in a good mood and things were going well when I spotted a cute guy sitting alone up at the bar. I asked Kevin, my manager, who he was and was promptly introduced. Thus started the most significant relationship of my life, so far. Don’t think I wasn’t already a “player”, no virgins lost youth story happening here, I knew I was gay by 13 and had been actively gay from the moment I had finished high school, but my relationships were short lived, anyone who reached the 2 week mark was deemed a long term relationship in my eyes. This was about to be the start of something different, a connection that would change my values, my world view, basically a new invention of who I was and who I would become. From our first introduction we bonded, the remainder of that night was spent with the 2 of us completely engrossed in getting to know each other, to the exclusion of everyone else at the gathering. I don’t remember how we made it back to my place that night but I do remember that we made love in a frenzy and eagerness that is hard to forget, but more about Andrew later.

I mention these dates not only because they are important to me but also so that you can see that dates can signify joy in our lives. Moments when great and momentous thing happen which can alter our lives to such an extent that we are changed from that moment on. Unfortunately not all dates which mark these changes in our lives begin as our greatest moment. Someone once said “we have to take the good with the bad” and I want to talk about the bad. I am determined to turn this new date around from one of complete and utter despair into a day that I can, not so much celebrate, but rather to not hate or regret. 

This new date is March 12, which held no great significance to me until this year. Six days after my younger brother’s birthday, not quite the ides of March, which according to the Roman calendar falls on the 15^th. Yet the twelfth day of March in the year 2018 will now remain a date that will stay with me for the remainder of my life. So now I have a new date to add to my collection, a date that will create the need for even more new dates demanding marks on my annual calendar.

Dates, dates, dates, the calendar of our lives placed into a box with 365 square segments, like a butterfly display case with every day separated and on display. Every square empty until our births, at which point we fill our first day, our birthday. Slowly more squares are filled with dates to remember, our first love, weddings, births or deaths, all manner of significant moments.

 What happens if every square is filled and no more space is left? If some squares are filled with colour, representing our positive, joyous dates other will be filled with darkness representing our negative dates, will we be judged at the end by this balance between colour and dark? I want to fill my calendar squares with colour, I want to take a brush, dip it into the brightest paint I have and re-colour those dark days. It’s going to look like a fucking Piet Mondrian painting, pick a colour, any colour.